Get on Board--Eat in Peace

Want to learn how to eat mindfully?  Interested in body acceptance?  Check back often for helpful tips.

Why Diets Don't Work

The diet industry collects over $60 billion a year, yet the research shows that 95-98% of all diets fail.  Sure, you might lose some weight, but the majority of dieters gain it back, plus some.

Often, dieters will feel that something is wrong with them--they failed the diet.  Not so. Diets fail us because they're not sustainable.  We're not meant to deprive ourselves to that degree--when we eat less than what our bodies need, they become physically deprived, and our metabolisms slow down in this "famine" mode. More, we become psychologically deprived, feeling we're not getting enough, which leads to food cravings and overeating. The diet-binge cycle is an extremely common phenomenon.  As author Geneen Roth write: "For every diet, there is an equal and opposite binge."

Intuitive Eating

Well, if diets don't work, then what?  Eat in Peace relies on the concept of Intuitive Eating.  We all knew how to do this as babies--we'd cry when we were hungry and turn away from the breast/bottle when we were full.  Somewhere along the way, though, we lose this ability.

Food begins to take on all kinds of meaning.  It's social, it's comforting, it allows us control.  We learn that thinner is better and that reducing our food intake is a good idea. We begin to play games with food: outlawing certain foods, waiting until we're famished to eat, trying diet after diet after diet.

At some point, the pendulum swings back.  We're hungry.  Not just now, but in general.  Our bodies are crying out, "Why aren't you feeding me?"  And, then rebellion kicks in:  "Enough with this diet!  I'm having a cake!"' (not a piece of cake, but a cake)

But there is another way.  To eat intuitively means two things: 

1. Eat when you're hungry.
2. Stop when you're full.

Pretty simple, huh?  The problem is that many of us have so many years of doing just the opposite, that this seems like an insurmountable task.  Where do you even start?

Begin by becoming acquainted with your hunger and satiety cues.  How do  you know if you're hungry?  Full?   You should, at any given point, be able to rate your own hunger. 

I like this scale:

1  –  Ravenous (physically faint, very cranky)
2  –  Very hungry
3  –  Hungry
4  –  Slightly hungry
5  –  Neutral
6  –  Pleasantly satisfied
7  –  Full
8  –  Very full
9  –  Stuffed/Bloated
10 – Nauseous/Ill

Where are you right now?  Where were you before your last meal? After?  I urge intuitive eaters to try to stay (all day!) between a 3 and a 7. This means never dipping below a 3 and trying to stop at a 7.  For some meals, you might get up to an 8, but never a 9 or 10.  (Note: for those in the thick of an eating disorder, intuitive eating will have to wait, as often hunger/satiety cues are distorted.)

Most diets will tell you to stop eating when you're at a 6--this doesn't work.  Your body (and mind) never really feel full, and you're likely to eat again before your physically hungry (or to overdo it next time). 

How often should you eat?  Most people do best with 3 meals and 1-2 snacks a day.  Try not to go more than 3 hours without a meal or snack. Use your hunger as a guide.  When you get hungry, eat.  Not eating when you're hungry doesn't mean you win.  There is no prize.

Beginner's Tips for Body Acceptance 

1. Recognize that your body is just one aspect of your appearance, your appearance just one aspect of who you are.  Focus on everything else you are, everything else you have to offer. Make a list of 25 things you like about yourself.

2. Spend some time in front of the mirror without criticizing yourself.  Focus simply on observation, not judgment. If you can’t do this at first, recognize the judgmental self-statements and try again another time.

3.  Focus on what your body can DO rather than how it LOOKS.  Are you able to swim, hanglide, enjoy a loving hug?  The more you focus on your body as subject rather than object, the better your body image will be.

4.  Think about how much time you’ve spent judging or criticizing your body and recognize how you could have better spent the time. Make a commitment to stopping yourself when you find yourself engaging in these behaviors.

5.  Toss the scale.  It’s not your friend, and you know about how much you weigh.

Common Parenting Mistakes

The “Do as I Say, Not as I Do” Approach

Many young women who develop full-blown eating disorders often report that their mothers (or other close family members) were either lifelong dieters or had clinical eating disorders—children tend to model what they see.  For the regular dieter, it is important to understand the impact that this can have on your children. They will learn by observing you that it is important to restrict food, that some foods are good and others are bad, that some weights/shapes are acceptable and others are not.  These are dangerous messages to send.  Mothers may want to take a look at their behaviors - - including how they talk about food and their bodies in front of their daughters - - and aim to present a healthier, more inclusive approach for their daughters and for themselves. Ditch your scale, or if you feel you cannot, weight yourself only once a week and try to do so when your children are not around. Like it or not, we live in a culture that values thinness and willpower, among other things. However, in the home, parents can combat these cultural messages rather than support them.

Focusing on Weight Rather than Health

Many parents label certain foods as “fattening” and discourage their children from eating them—they’ll communicate to their children that “fast food makes you fat,” or that having that extra cookie after dinner, on a regular basis, could cause you to gain weight.  As an alternative to this, when you talk about different foods, focus on their effects on health, rather than weight. Say things like, “Vegetables contain vitamins which make us healthy” rather than “eating vegetables won’t make you gain weight.” Take the same approach towards exercise. Encourage frequent activity and focus on how exercise can help make our bodies stronger and healthier, rather than on the impact it has on weight-loss or –control.  Make exercise fun by playing games and sports your children enjoy rather than just taking them out for long walks.

Outlawing Certain Foods (or Hiding the Cookie Jar)

Too often, parents limit their children’s intake of certain foods, connoting that only certain foods are acceptable to eat (e.g., fruit good, candy bad).  While vegetables are certainly more nutritious than candy, treats can be acceptable as well.  Refrain from classifying foods as good or bad.  Allow children to eat all foods, including sweets, in moderation.  The more we restrict a certain food, the more likely it is for our children to put too much value on that food—which can eventually backfire over time (for example, children overvaluing desserts and overdoing it later on).